It all started with a Florida sunset.
I was seven years old when I sat down to watch the evening sky from my bedroom window. It was the first time the sunset colors caught my attention. I remember feeling beauty and warmth. A new sensation introduced itself to me as I thought deeply for the first time. I believe that was my earliest memory of feeling a desire for purpose in my life. It was then when I began to look up at the sky often and wonder everything there is to wonder about life.
I was always a very thoughtful and curious child. I was naturally sensitive to the feelings of others around me. All I ever wanted to do was be a friend to the classmate who was sitting alone at recess, be the fastest runner in my class, and create the most adventurous stories. I had a happy childhood, but I struggled with social anxiety and self-expression. There was a whole world of color, adventure, stories, and unique characters that only existed in my mind. Socially, I found it almost impossible to say what I really wanted to say to others. I was extremely shy, to where it seemed almost rude. The thought of starting a conversation with someone new was equally as frightening as speaking in front of an audience. I was afraid of asking questions, answering my teacher in class, talking to new people, being alone in a large group, and telling others how I really felt. I deeply feared upsetting others. I was always frustrated that I couldn’t communicate well, and I never knew what caused me to act the way I did.
When I was 14 years old, I found my solace in writing. I was given a notebook and I began to write all my thoughts. Even then I was still afraid to be completely honest because I feared someone might read my secrets when I wasn't looking. For reasons I couldn't understand, I was extremely protective of my emotions. After a while, writing in that notebook quickly became as important to me as breathing. I slowly began to learn how to articulate my thoughts and gave myself the freedom to write about how I felt. Once I finished one notebook, I would begin another. As you can imagine, I still write to this day.
When I first began writing every night, it was to help me sort through my fears and anxieties and find relief in expression. Over time, it has evolved into writing poems, songs, stories, and memories. It’s a continuous dissection of my thoughts. The more I learn, the more I find the answers to my purpose. Fourteen years later, writing in notebooks has evolved into starting my own website and writing a blog. That is why I call it Paper Thoughts. I am obsessed with finding purpose in life, and that is why I write. Paper Thoughts is all about finding purpose by being present with your thoughts, learning how to live by your unique design, and understanding how to truly be yourself. I’d like to share my story and help others find what it is they are looking for in their own lives. I believe that those who desire to change can. I believe in the power of belief and in the power of words. Yesterday happened, but today can be the beginning of something new. I hope you join me on the journey to self-discovery. Grab a pencil and a notebook and let's begin writing your story!